Nathan Bransford's Surprisingly Essential First Page Challenge

Hoo-boy.

So many of you have probably seen my link to Nathan Bransford's blog, because I consider it essential reading for the unpublished writer. I read it daily - or as often as he updates - but am mostly a lurker. I've commented once or twice...but that's it.

So today...I took a big plunge. Nathan, a literary agent, opened a contest looking for up-to-500-word submissions of your manuscript's first page. He and an apparently insanely adventurous friend of his will be reviewing all of the entries and choosing nominees for readers of his blog to vote upon. If you win, you can get a query critique, partial critique, 10-minute phone call, or a book published by one of his clients. Cool stuff!

For all of you other writer-types that I so love, go visit. Enter. We'll all drive Nathan crazy together!

Oh, and several of his loyal readers are also giving feedback for some of the entries on their blogs - since I'm linking the heck out of this post already, go on ahead and also visit Josephine, Chro, and Jen.

After debating, and re-reading the first 500 words from each of my 5 works in progress, I decided to go on ahead and stop being a scaredy cat and enter. Which one did I pick?

DNA - the WIP that I started with all sorts of good intentions for NaNo 2007 and then didn't get very far with because work and life just, well, got busy again. Still love the story - just haven't gotten very far with it yet. But...I think it had the most compelling first 500 words - actually 475, which is the entire prologue.

Now here's the *headdesk* part - I haven't shown these 475 words to anyone else. Anyone. Not even my husband, who originally had the idea that started this story. Why in the WORLD would I submit something that NO ONE else has ever given me feedback on? I guess I'm just feeling adventuous. And hey, I do it on short story contests all the time and have won my fair share of those, so fingers crossed, right?

Anyhow, for your reading pleasure, here is a copy/paste of what I just posted on Nathan's blog. ANY feedback is appreciated.

***

DNA - Suspense/Thriller - WIP

This 475-word SEFPC entry is the prologue to a work-in-progress that pits a calculating killer against a police officer who stands accused of the other’s crimes through a cleverly orchestrated case of mistaken identity. When the officer launches a personal investigation not only to clear his name but track the ruthless murderer, he is exposed to the murky world of governmental covert operations and scientific experimentation that is straight out of the twilight zone. When his scrutiny comes too close to exposing secrets so long and carefully buried, it becomes a race against time to catch the killer…before the killer catches him. The WIP offers back and forth POVs between the cop and the killer, and this prologue is the reader’s first look at the birth of evil.

Prologue

Walking down a street that was at once familiar and strange, he paused to reflect upon his mission, willing his body temperature to adapt to the cool of the night while mentally slowing his pulse to a level indicating relaxation. Tonight, of all nights, was about timing. A new mission always dictated new directives, and the directive he’d formulated called for swift calculation and rapid actions unhindered by remorse. The journey to this night had been long, but the payoff would overcome the pain.

Arriving at a darkened intersection, he paused only briefly before turning down the dark alley to the left. Drawing closer to the end of the narrow passage bound on three sides by high brick buildings, the ambient noises of the street left behind faded and were replaced by an incessant drip that echoed in the tight space. He glanced around to see the source of the watery sound, but none was apparent.

Following the instructions of his own directive for this operation, he leaned his trim and powerful body against the building that bound the area from the east. Withdrawing a lighter and cigarette from the interior pocket of his blazer, he lit up, slowly inhaling and exhaling. It was nearly time to begin, and his cat-like senses strained to hear the thud of approaching steps.

At last, the other had arrived.

He watched as the other came slowly towards him. This new beginning, so delicately intertwined to the final ending for the other, was invigorating.

Deep in thought, continuously reviewing the details of his plan within his own head, he allowed the other to wait for him to speak first. After an interminable pause, he was finally ready to communicate.

***

The knife slashed strikingly, reflecting the gentle glow of the alley’s one light. With each motion, a hissing noise seemed to become the voice of the implement. Communication.

Communication and death.

Muscle was parted from ligament, organs exposed to the elements.

Humming under his breath, his movements held the confidence of a surgeon, the conviction of a preacher and the calculation of a mercenary.

A new mission, begun.

***

He paused to light another cigarette, his third in the past half hour. Butts had been dropped, unceremoniously, beside the body of the other. The metallic smell of blood filled his mouth, his nose, even his eyes with involuntary tears caused by the spreading maroon pool.

Glancing again around the alley, now bathed entirely in shadows, he discarded his latest cigarette and reflected on the scene before his eyes.

In the war, operations had been conducted from remote locations, without the psychologically satisfying benefit of mano a mano contact.

Tonight was different. The war was his own. The operation simple. The payoff would continue for years to come.

The prize, after all, was his own life, his future, his identity.

His DNA.

Thank you for considering my entry!