Tags coming...Rant first

In an effort to avoid writing a two-hour and 2000-word post about my mother being the laziest, whiniest, most negative and useless piece of shit I have ever encountered, I'm actually going to get the tagged posts done that I owed from last week! (But I will indulge myself in somewhat of a rant first. I desperately need to.)

Anyone expecting me to head to PA anytime soon should stop holding their breath. I love my father. And I hate that he's in a nursing home. But there is not a damn thing I can do for him right now. I talk to him on the phone as often as I can...and more often than not, he doesn't even realize who he's talking to. That wouldn't be any different if I were there in person. He can't be released in the mental state that he's in, he can't travel to my house in Texas like we'd hoped, and I'd sooner kill her than let my mother ever bring him back into her household. So unfortunately, it just is what it is.

But when I do finally go to PA, it won't be for a joyous family reunion. My mother has no concept of reality and simply expects everyone else to do for her because she's never had enough gumption to do for herself. That doesn't work in my reality. I work and have worked for every single thing that I have. So she wants help with her house? Fine. But it won't be the help she expects. I'll clear that house out so she can get out of it; fine. But it will be under my terms. Because living under hers would be unacceptable in any situation. She seems to think that I have this hankering desire to come load up a truck of stuff from her house to bring to my own. HA. I have my own life. And my own possessions. And it would be my first preference to burn her house down than clear it out. But since that's not exactly a rational thing to do, it'll get cleared out.

And anything I can sell, I will. But if she thinks she'll get that money, she's crazy. I've long since lost track of how many of her bills that I've paid to the exclusion of paying my own bills. And let's not forget the fund that was in my name and my dad's name I cashed out to pay for my wedding that she kept every penny of instead of turning over to me. Every single penny. To pay for home improvements. And let's not forget that I paid for not only my high school tuition (using my social security since my dad was over 65 and retired) and all of my college tuition. I did NOT expect her to pay for me to go to school. I simply worked all that much harder and at multiple jobs the entire time and taking 21 credits every semester so I could make it through as fast as possible so I could get the hell out of Pennsylvania. But I certainly did not expect to keep throwing money into her black hole and then lose a significant money that she blatantly stole from me to the detriment of my freaking wedding. We're talking many multiple thousands, here. And for two years, since she finished pissing away more money than I can even comprehend after my dad sold his interests in several businesses and several residential properties, I've put half of my pay every month to the misplaced hope of helping her get to a point where she'd leave me alone. Even after losing half of my pay when I changed companies. I skip lunch most days and do not spend a single penny on anything beyond bills so that I can throw money her way. And she has the nerve to be upset when I tell her that that's over...and give her 90 days notice 5 months ago...and that I need to start taking care of my own life? And she's still pissed? Bite me. My father's income when he was working was twice what my husband and I make combined. And she's the one that pissed away all of that money on every stupid damn possession she ever just had to have. So now she's the one that has to grow the hell up at the age of 65 and deal with it. A freaking budget would help, but she's never gotten beyond the thought that if she wants something, she should simply buy it. I've wanted a new pair of dress black pants for work for 3 months since my husband accidentally ruined my best pair. But I don't even have enough money left at the end of any given month to go to Burger King. But she goes out and buys all sorts of new shit because her only hobby is shopping and then expects me to pay her utilities. No. That's done.

So anything I can sell from her house, I will, and I will have no remorse doing it or keeping every penny of it. And once she's in a smaller/cheaper house or apartment, it's cut bait time. And at least since Dad's in the home, I can talk to him without her monitoring the phone call and visit him without having to see her. She's been a negative influence on my life for almost my entire life because she's never seen any use in me beyond what I can do for her. And I just can't live that existence any longer.

Argh. Rant over. The rest will simply continue in my head. Until that explodes, too.

Time to go do my tagged posts and get myself in a better place! :-) If you actually read all of this, bless your heart. And if you have a magic wand, please wave it!